Borderline Personality, Anger and Neurodiversity

I can only read and write when I take Adderall and a Diet Coke or two doesn’t hurt, either.  I don’t know how much of my cognitive problems are due to autism, other neurological problems or the abuse I have suffered, both “typical” abuse and through “treatments” but I suppose it doesn’t truly matter as long as I treat the symptoms.

I’m pretty convinced that many in the online autism community suffer from “borderline” traits and some even from full-blown borderline personality disorder, though none of them will admit it.  I understand the denial:  I was in denial myself for awhile because of the harsh stigma of BPD.

I know that many of today’s high-functioning autistics suffer from “borderline” traits because most of us grew up without proper support, understanding and most of us were abused in some form, whether it was bullying, physical, emotional, sexual or any other type of abuse.  These types of situations are breeding grounds for “borderline” traits and anger.  All of us seem to suffer from anger, which is a core feature of BPD.

I know that “Neurodiversity” came about because of this anger.  Most “advocacy” comes about because of injustice.

I know that Ari Ne’eman was a very angry young man, understandably (and perhaps he still is).  I don’t know much about his past except that he was bullied, which in itself is enough to cause plenty of anger.  He took his anger and became a fierce advocate which is what I will eventually do, which is what all of the advocates have done.

Sometimes I worry about Ari though.  He seems to try to do everything and please everyone, but you can’t do everything and please everyone all of the time.  Sometimes people end up like me; sometimes they end up like Ari.

I hear that Ari is applying to be a Rhodes Scholar.  I secretly hope that he doesn’t get it, not because I am “jealous” or because I want him to fail, but because I honestly think it would be the best thing for him psychologically.  He needs to come over to my side for a liitle while.  And I need to go over to his.  Balance is key, the middle way.  Ari needs a vacation:  he’s not perfect.

Are you reading this, Ari?  Don’t worry, you’re already good enough.

Come to the lazy side for a little while:  you might enjoy it.